It begins… my journey to the land where kangaroos drive taxis and boomerangs are used as a form of currency. At least thats what I thought, I was in for a big letdown.

My name was flagged upon check in because it sounds suspicious. The lady at the counter said they were checking to see if I was sweating, but I am good to go.
“phew” I said as I wiped the sweat from my forehead. I hope she didn’t see that.

I had a 21ish our journey ahead of me that will seem to have taken twice as long once I land. The flight from Toronto to Vancouver was quite quick. I watched 127 Hours and Megamind to pass the time and boy did it help. We landed in Vancouver 4.5 hours later where I wandered around the international wing of YVR. Much nicer than the domestic wing! There I ate a burger next to an artificial waterfall and river. After a quick swim (not really) I hopped back onto the plane for the “fun” part of the ride. I knew this was going to be a long ride. Not only because I will be in the air for 15 hours, but because I had watched the only 2 interesting movies on my way to Vancouver. Dinner was served once we took off. Now, for some reason I thought it would be fun to order the Vegetarian meal option for the flight. What a mistake that was. I watched Due Date while I ate my curry lentil and rice meal with a cup of frozen fruit in frozen syrup and a frozen bun. I thought about sitting on my bun to defrost it, but figured that wasn’t the greatest of ideas. After dinner I put on another movie, Legend of the Guardians. You know, the animated movie about Owls. The entire production was done at Animal Logic (my Australian employer) so I figured I would do some “research”. The movie itself looked REALLY great (seriously!) , but didn’t really seem to target any specific audience. It was too dark for children and too child like for adults. I guess like the Secret of Nimh.

I cracked open a beer to help knock me out for what I was hoping to be 13 hours. Instead I woke up 3 hours later with about 11 hours to go. I was already getting a little anxious and I was barely 1/4 into the flight! I was sitting in the aisle seat, so I didn’t have a window to glue myself to. The man next to me also looked quite bored, also staring at nothing. We started to chat and I learn that he and his wife are on their way to visit their daughter in Sydney who is a dental hygienist in New Zealand. There, they will rent an RV and drive across to Adelaide. What fun! He also was telling me about how he and his wife joined an expedition to antarctica to look at… ummm… ice? He told me how the had visited a Ukrainian research centre and right away I asked him if he saw any shape shifting aliens. Obviously he hasn’t seen The Thing, because he immediately stopped talking to me and asked to switch seats to sit next to the fat man with grease stains. At least thats what he was thinking. He also told me about how he mailed himself a post card FROM the research station and finally got it 3 weeks ago, a whole year later. Talk about snail mail. He should have just emailed himself, he would have gotten it much much sooner.

I had 2 more meals during the flight. One pita wrap popsicle with hummus and vegetables (seriously, it was COMPLETELY frozen) and tofu scramble for breakfast… at least my food was thawed out by then. Both came with a cup of fruit in syrup. Had I ordered the carnivore meal I would have gotten a cup of FRESH fruit in NO syrup… With about 9 hours to go, I couldn’t imagine myself sitting still for much longer. I had to keep reminding myself of the people that took this trip 100 years ago and all the months it took them. Right away i started to appreciate that I only had 9 hours to go! And with a very minimal risk of Dysentery!

The rest of the flight went real slow, but we landed eventually and much to my surprise. After the crew spayed the entire cabin to kill off the dirty North American germs I bid my new buds farewell and took off to get my baggage. This was after his wife sat on my headphones and flatulated on them. Now these headphones come with a lifetime warranty for physical dammage of any kind, but I don’t think it has ass gas coverage. The quarantine line was VERY long, but after declaring my sack of Jellybeans I was let lose. FINALLY!

Now off to my hotel. My cab driver took me for a nice long ride around and around the city until finally he decided to take me to my hotel. My room is real nice and cozy. I have a TV and a microwave… and a bed, sink, stove, shower and floor. Everything I need except a place to keep my clothes! Once I showered it was time to sign up for a bank account and tax number. After buying a very luxurious internet package ($60 per week with a 2 gig cap) I get all the boring stuff done then release myself into the city. I started to wander around trying to get my bearings. I’m at Potts Point, not quite sure what to make of this neighbourhood just yet. I found a meatpie stand and try one because apparently its THE Australian dish? It was pretty good. Later in the day I get a call from my pal Kim at my hotel. She wants to take me on a tour of the town, what fun! it was only 3pm and I must fight my jetlag, so I hop on the tube and meet her in a fancy pancy shopping area. She showed me around, took me to get a sim card for my phone and ate at a german themed restaurant. One schnitzel pretzel later we head to the very literal Circular Quay which is across from what I guess is the very non literal Neutral Bay.

The sky is still bright and much to my surprise its already 7:30! I’m still used to complete darkness by 5:30. Feeling like I accomplished alot for the day I decided to finally reward myself with a very vertical sleep. Back onto the tube I head back home quite swiftly. I stocked up on bottle of Schweppes lemon / lime + bitters and a box of TimTams on my way back to my room.
I hit the hay so very hard and somehow I woke up for work the next day.

More on that later…. I will make less sense if I continue this nonsense. I’m still dead tired and I feel like the walking dead.

Please disregard this posting if it doesn’t make any sense